May is National Masturbation Month, and we're celebrating with Feeling Yourself , a series exploring the finer points of self-pleasure. Sometimes, left to our own devices, us humans will do stupid things — especially when horny. After scouring forums on which people described their weirdest masturbating tools a lot of plastic baggies, a lot of doll parts? Cleaning equipment isn't the best idea for your equipment. Depending on your vacuum, there's potential for mangling— some have a blade right inside the tube, designed to chop larger bits and pieces so it doesn't clog. According to The British Medical Journal, there have been numerous instances of penis-in-vacuum disasters.
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1. Holy water blessed at the Vatican... then used as lube
This year was no different — at least until my family sat down to binge-watch Making a Murderer. I went to pull out my box bullet — to finish the job my fingers started — when I made a very upsetting discovery: I had forgotten my vibrator. I was dildo-less. My orgasm, which moments ago seemed just within reach, suddenly became a ton of work. Once home, that experience still fresh in my mind, I vowed I would never let it happen again. If I ever found myself sans sex toy, I would be prepared. I had to know how to masturbate with common household objects.
1. Jar of peanut butter
Years ago I remember hearing a story about a girl I grew up with fucking herself with a cucumber. That tale always stuck with me until I stuck one in me. This was back in my pre-intercourse days so it wasn't as romantic an experience as I imagined it would be, but it got the job done.
Whatever happened to getting-off go-tos like humping a pillow or stuffed animal? Hell, even a trusty hand or vibrator is quite common these days. At least, not for some female Redditors who've taken, umm, creative liberties when it comes to masturbation. In my quest to better understand the solo-sex habits of women, I sought out subjects who turn to offbeat items to orgasm. Self-pleasure away, ladies! Who am I to judge what turns you on?